Living My Truth

What does it mean to live your truth? I posed this question to my students about a week before we left for winter break. As with most assignments, some took it seriously, others did not.Nevertheless, I heard some though-provoking responses and was encouraged by what I heard. I had a few students ask me what the question meant. I wanted authentic responses so I asked them what it meant to be truthful and go from there. Many students said living their truth meant living for themselves and staying true to their beliefs.

Now that 2016 is a couple of days old, I felt the need to revisit that question and to answer it for myself. What does it mean to live my truth? It means that I finally move past my poor decisions,hurt feelings, and negative attitude so that I can forgive myself, and strive to do better. It means that I stay true to who and what are important to me. It means that I am going to let go of the ideas others have about how I should life my life and live it in the way that is best for me. I couldn't be more thrilled and scared about listening my inner voice and following my truth. It means I will have to embark on some pretty major decisions and stick to my convictions no matter what happens.

For years, I have told my students to consider their dreams and do what is necessary (work hard in school, research your career path, etc.) to reach those dreams, knowing I am not even close to living my own dream of being a writer.

Life has had a way of forcing me to put my aspirations on the back burner and I can say that for a very long time, I have not been living my truth. I almost spent all of 2015 not doing any personal writing. A lot of my avoidance had to do with adjusting to my new normal of motherhood, working full-time, maintaining a relationship, and preparing for marriage. I almost convinced myself that writing was not my talent and I should just give it up. Though I scoured writing and freelance writing websites and resources was minimally encouraged, it just wasn't enough for me to pursue it.

Being a mother, wife,and an educator has taken top priority in my life these days. While those roles are a part of my truth, I have to work on getting back to me. I have gotten lost in the shuffle of roles that benefit others in my life. What do I enjoy? What do I believe? What stories can I tell? What new characters can I introduce? What about my life can I share with others? What new things can I discover about myself?

In 2015, I hope to get to know myself again and see how far my talents and my experience can take me.

On the Eve of New Year's Eve

So much for posting regularly on this blog. It seems that almost as soon as I hit publish on my last post, I had forgotten completely about this blog and writing. My last submission was 9 months ago. This may be my last post for awhile, or this could be the genuine beginning of me reigniting my writing. Looking back at previous posts, it is really no surprise that I would neglect this blog. I have done it in the past and past is prologue, right?

On the Eve of New Year's Eve, I am taking this opportunity to reflect. I am naturally an introspective person and of course since we are approaching a new year, I am even more so reflective on my life and what I have done with it so far. Overall, my life is good. I have some things in the works and some projects to complete and I am looking forward to finishing many of the things I have started over the years. I have some career decisions to make that will not only effect my life, but the lives of my family members.

The dynamics of my family changed in 2015. A year after the birth of my youngest daughter, I married the love of my life. We've been married for eight months and I'm excited for what the future has in store for us and our four children.

I have made New Year's Resolutions in the past; one year, I did an entire list of goals that I planned to accomplish for that particular year. I don't even know where that list went and I know I didn't finish half of what I set out to do. This year, I just plan to usher it in and take whatever comes my way. One thing I do resolve to do is to take better care of myself. One of my colleagues told me that "self care is the best care." I CAN'T give my best to all of the people in my life if I am not well.

I came across the following list on a friend's Facebook page. I plan to refer to this often as I go into 2016.

Twelve Steps for Self-Care

1. If it feels wrong, don't do it.

2. Say "exactly" what you mean.

3. Don't be a people pleaser.

4. Trust your instincts.

5. Never speak badly about yourself.

6. Never give up on your dreams.

7. Don't be afraid to say "no."

8. Don't be afraid to say "yes."

9. Be KIND to yourself.

10. Let go of what you can't control.

11. Stay away from drama and negativity.

12. LOVE. Here's to 2016!

Back Again!

Wow! After a hiatus of several years, I am back! It goes without saying that so much has happened in the past three years...I hope to get back into the groove of writing again and post regularly. (Ha ha...) I had forgotten about this blog. But what brought me back? The new found interest this week in Prince and his ability to play basketball. It boggles my mind how news and gossip sites have taken this non-news story and made it news worthy. None of the articles I have seen have yet to actually say that his childhood basketball photo has been available on the web since at least 2007. I wanted to expound on this and realized I didn't have an outlet. Luckily, in a misplaced brain bucket (as my oldest daughter calls the places in our brains where we deposit information) pushed back to a corner in my brain, I was able to locate this blog again. At any rate, I plan to write more about how and why people "forget" what's on the Internet and act like information presented is indeed brand new. What's old is new again. The Internet has won again.

Weight Loss Battle

I'm losing the battle to lose weight. My weight, while it has not gone up, it is not going down. I know exactly what it takes for me to lose the weight: exercising and dieting, but it's becoming evident that this is much harder for me to shed these pounds. It's also hard for me to face the reality that it's going to take me at least a year to get down to the weight I want. As much as I want to lose weight quickly, I know it's not healthy.

It's discouraging, but I'm not going to give up. I'm going to have to work all that much harder to just lose the little bit of weight I plan to lose each week.

I need an accountability/workout buddy. I get frustrated too easily and instead of completing my exercise program, I quit and then get mad. I need outside motivation because it's apparent in my lack of progress that doing this on my own IS NOT WORKING!

Losing Pounds

As I continued to search for a focus for my writing, I've realized that I have a far more serious concern looming.

My weight.

For the majority of my life, I had been slender. I could eat just about anything I wanted and it wouldn't affect me.

Not anymore. Before I gave birth to my daughter, I gained a considerable amount of weight during my junior year of college. When I was expecting my daughter, my weight crept up and stayed up.

Now it's time for it to come down. The irony is not lost on me that as a child, I would comment on the pounds that others would need to lose and quite accurately, according to my mother. Mom marveled at my word choice (for such a young child.)

"We didn't know where you got that from. He or she needs to lose pounds. Most people say weight," she would say to me.

At any rate, whatever you call it, weight or pounds, this chick right here needs to lose them.

Lord help!

Getting it together

Considering it has been months since my last post, before I could complete this posting, I had to go back and re-read what I had written.

Unfortunately, nothing has changed since that "New Year, New Post" post. I still procrastinate and I still have not decided what I want this blog to be about.

The dominant thought I have is to use this blog to share my experiences as a single mother, but that would force me to delve into some issues that are completely unique to single parents and I just don't want to do that. But then again, tackling the tough issues can be beneficial not just to be but to other single parents out there. So, I'll consider that or perhaps I could delve deeper and discuss all family matters; not just those pertaining to single-parent families.

Or I could post samples of my writing and ask you all (haha, I don't have many followers) for feedback. Hmm, that might not be a bad idea.

At any rate, I just hope it won't be another 4 months before I decide to post anything because that is very well possible. I'm getting back into my writing again and this is one way to stay in practice and to stay sharp.

Until next time.

New Year, New Post

I can't believe (well, actually I can) that it has been almost a year since my last blog post. I attribute this delay to of course my propensity to procrastination, laziness and sheer disinterest (like with any new toy, the novelty wears off rather quickly). I also can attribute this to the fact that I am a private person and don't always feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings with strangers.

But, I think all of that is going to change as 2011 marches on. I realize that procrastination has to do with a lack of discipline that snow balls into laziness and then an attitude of eh, well, I wasn't all that into _______________ (insert anything here.) As far as privacy is concerned, I don't necessarily see the floodgates opening anytime soon and a complete outpouring of my soul, but I do see this as an opportunity to express myself. With the way the world is, I'm sure I'll have a lot to talk about. I'm still trying to figure out what I want this blog to be.

That will all have to wait, however as my little one is demanding her mommy's attention, so until next time!