Finding Purpose

When I was a child, I dreamed of being a writer, lawyer, and a reporter. I started writing stories when I was seven years old. I had a knack for storytelling;I was asked to write a speech for my 5th grade graduation and I won an award for my D.A.R.E essay (also in the 5th grade). I slowed down a bit on my writing in middle school, but picked it up in high school. I excelled in my English classes, especially when it came to creating stories. I was still interested in being a reporter, so it seemed like a natural progression that I would write for my high school newspaper, become co-editor and carry my love for writing and storytelling into college.

By the time I got to college, I had not given another thought to becoming a lawyer, but becoming a writer and a reporter were still pretty high on my list. I wrote a lot in college. I wrote the required research papers and essays and I wrote stories too. I wrote a couple of articles for my journalism classes and I believe one of my articles was published, but truth be told, my heart wasn't in it.

I listened to others when they said that becoming an author wouldn't pay the bills. I set aside my dreams of being writing books for a living and focused on being a reporter instead. It was still a career in writing after all and that was good enough.

Fast forward ten years: I have graduated college, wrote for a local paper for two years and then became a teacher. I still write as a teacher, but it is not what I thought I would be writing (ex.lesson plans, tests, quizzes, writing prompts,projects, etc) nor is it the profession I'd ever given serious thought to pursuing. Interestingly though, when I was in college (perhaps my junior year) I had written a letter to myself asking my future self what career path I would follow and teaching was one of the careers I had listed.

Nevertheless, as I look back on the decisions I've made, I've deferred my dream of becoming a writer. There's no getting around that. So now what? What happens to a dream deferred? What has happened to my dream, my love for writing and telling stories?

I love writing too much to ever be completely done with it. I have several stories that are in various stages of completion; they are the glimmers of hope that keep me inspired to write. No matter what is going on in my life, I always go back to writing. Writing gives me peace, and an escape from my regular life. Lately, my desire to write is stronger than it has ever been and I want to capitalize on that.

I hope to use this blog as a way of reconnecting with my writing and connecting to others who write. How far can this love for words take me?

Running on Empty

Life is short. Life is precious. Life is hard. Life is...whatever you can make of it. This is the only life on Earth we will have. What are you going to do with the life you have? This is what I have been asking myself. Lately, I have been running myself ragged and yet I don't feel like I am making any progress. Then after a couple of trips to the doctor's office, I finally realized my problem.

I have been running on empty. I don't think I can say I am even running on fumes. I am completely tapped out. Nevertheless, I tried to give and give until I was giving...nothing. And I'm exhausted.

How can I get back to being full? Life isn't about running on empty. It's about being well enough and well-adjusted enough so that you can enjoy the little moments and get through the tough times.

Be Healthy "Self-care is the best care," as a dear colleague once told me. If you're not healthy, the energy you put out will not be healthy. Try your best to eat enough healthy foods, exercise when and wherever you can, and rest. If you need to and you can, go to the doctor. Don't let minor health issues turn into big nuisances. I probably could've gotten my Vitamin D problem taken care of and avoided feeling fatigued all the time if I had gone to the doctor sooner rather than later and saved a few bucks in the process.

Do Something You Enjoy Even if it is something you haven't done in years, revive an old hobby. I love to crochet. I learned how to do it when I was a child. I recently decided I wanted to make a blanket, so I went on YouTube to find some videos on how to make one using the Granny Square patter. I haven't established a time frame on when I will complete my blanket, but when I crochet, I immediately feel relaxed, even if for five minutes. Find something you enjoy and carve out some time to do it.

Phone a Friend We're all busy and don't always have time to chat for hours on end, but a phone call every once in a while is okay. One of my closest friends and I try to make it a point to catch up at least once a month. We're both busy with families and jobs, but we still try to talk on the phone for at least a few minutes before our attention is diverted elsewhere. In a world where emails, Instagram, and text messages rule, phone calls can be almost nostalgic, a relic of less stressful, hectic times.

This is just a partial list of things to do to keep yourself centered and not running on empty. What are some things that you do or would like to do to maintain balance in your life?

Create Opportunities...

where there are none. It's all about perspective. How we look at our circumstances determines whether or not we can see opportunities, even when it seems there are none to be found. When our perspective changes, we can find new ways of thinking and being. It's about being willing and capable of trying new things. This has been hard for me. I am a creature of habit and I have been hesitant to look at things differently.

This month, I am going to take a different approach to how I look at what makes up my life, especially my daily struggles and triumphs. In some ways, I feel like I have already started. I would really like to try my hand at freelance writing. I know it won't be easy, which was why I never attempted it in the past, only talked about it. I would take the defeatist attitude approach, convincing myself of all the reasons why it wouldn't work, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. This time, I'm going to go into freelancing with the mindset that I will look for opportunities no matter what the outcome of this venture turns out to be.

Everything that happens provides us the chance to learn and to make changes. Embarking on this journey means that there will be a lot of trials and errors, but also plenty of chances to create opportunities where there are none and learn from the challenging times.

Living My Truth

What does it mean to live your truth? I posed this question to my students about a week before we left for winter break. As with most assignments, some took it seriously, others did not.Nevertheless, I heard some though-provoking responses and was encouraged by what I heard. I had a few students ask me what the question meant. I wanted authentic responses so I asked them what it meant to be truthful and go from there. Many students said living their truth meant living for themselves and staying true to their beliefs.

Now that 2016 is a couple of days old, I felt the need to revisit that question and to answer it for myself. What does it mean to live my truth? It means that I finally move past my poor decisions,hurt feelings, and negative attitude so that I can forgive myself, and strive to do better. It means that I stay true to who and what are important to me. It means that I am going to let go of the ideas others have about how I should life my life and live it in the way that is best for me. I couldn't be more thrilled and scared about listening my inner voice and following my truth. It means I will have to embark on some pretty major decisions and stick to my convictions no matter what happens.

For years, I have told my students to consider their dreams and do what is necessary (work hard in school, research your career path, etc.) to reach those dreams, knowing I am not even close to living my own dream of being a writer.

Life has had a way of forcing me to put my aspirations on the back burner and I can say that for a very long time, I have not been living my truth. I almost spent all of 2015 not doing any personal writing. A lot of my avoidance had to do with adjusting to my new normal of motherhood, working full-time, maintaining a relationship, and preparing for marriage. I almost convinced myself that writing was not my talent and I should just give it up. Though I scoured writing and freelance writing websites and resources was minimally encouraged, it just wasn't enough for me to pursue it.

Being a mother, wife,and an educator has taken top priority in my life these days. While those roles are a part of my truth, I have to work on getting back to me. I have gotten lost in the shuffle of roles that benefit others in my life. What do I enjoy? What do I believe? What stories can I tell? What new characters can I introduce? What about my life can I share with others? What new things can I discover about myself?

In 2015, I hope to get to know myself again and see how far my talents and my experience can take me.